Fulfilment & satisfaction versus Happiness

“I can’t get no, Satisfaction…”

Sorry. My brain does this. It’s like a topic of conversation comes up and it finds the right song and repeats the relevant line until I HAVE to sing it out loud. It’s a compulsion you will have seen if you spend any time with me!

ANYWAY! I want to talk to you about Satisfaction, or more accurately, why I think chasing happiness is a waste of time and energy and why chasing satisfaction and fulfilment is a better use of your precious resources.

Cue Mick Jagger.

There’s a big difference between being happy and being satisfied or fulfilled. In my theory, satisfaction is about meeting a set of criteria that we give ourselves (more on that in a minute), making it a tad more tangible and achievable, whereas happiness feels more fleeting. It’s often a much more spontaneous emotion. Somewhat confusingly too, I know that there have been periods of my life where I’ve considered myself to be happy, but there is still a nagging feeling. A sense that something was missing or that my life wasn’t ‘full’. I know I’m not the only one. 

It’s led to feelings of shame around being ungrateful for my lot - why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why am I never satisfied? Feeling greedy or grasping. But really, when these are the feelings that hit, I’ve not been focussed on the right things in my life. I’ve come unstuck.

With that in mind, I’ve sort of come up with a few pointers on how to be more satisfied with life because otherwise I find that when I’m driving in my car and that man comes on the radio, telling me more and more about some useless information… I drift. 

I love a good formula or system or anything that helps me make more sense of the world around me. Something that helps me untangle my mind and emotions and gets to the WHY of a thing and helps me stay focussed and on track. So, here goes. I hope you find it useful.

IDENTIFYING WHAT YOU NEED

First up, we need to consider what we actually find satisfying. Which sounds simple but I think actually takes some mental discipline. It’s separating what we THINK we feel, from what we ACTUALLY feel. It’s being brutally honest with your life and your situation. Some prompts to consider…

What gives you a sense of achievement? Makes you feel proud of yourself?

(No judgement here. Some days for me, in all honesty, getting showered counts as an achievement. I remember a family member mocking me for this and feeling shame around that but you know what, we’re all in different places. So, NO JUDGEMENT on yourself, please!)

What were you doing when you last thought, ‘there’s nowhere I’d rather be’?

What experience have you not been able to stop yourself from telling people about?

What were you doing when you thought ‘I’ve got to do this again!’?

What were you doing the last time you were smiling, laughing, feeling at peace and totally free from stress. Like nothing else mattered in that moment?

It’s different for everyone. For some people, it’s helping others. For some it’s spending time with their loved ones. For some it’s the ‘fuck yeah!’ of completing the half marathon they’ve spent the last year training for (humble brag, totally did this and it felt AMAZING!)

It doesn’t matter what it is. You just have to find it, take notice of it, and make it a priority.

OVERARCHING STRATEGIES

For a long lasting, mood boosting, life improving sense of fulfilment, for me, I need to employ some strategies. 

Progression. Because for me if I’m stagnant, it feels like I’m failing. But if I can see my progress, even small amounts over long periods of time, banging. It’s actually one of the reasons I loved training for that half marathon because I didn’t really have to do much more than actually do the training runs in order to see progression. It felt like easy wins.

Resilience. When we make a decision to improve our lives, it often involves pushing ourselves out of the comfort of our established routines. No change happens overnight. Persevering despite feeling uncomfortable for the sake of a larger outcome, can feel INCREDIBLY satisfying. It gives a sense of achievement and pride too once you’re out the other side.

When it’s bigger than you. Doing something for yourself is amazing. I’m a big believer in that, in and of itself. But also, if you’re doing something to improve other people’s lives too, man, what a boost. There’s a team now! It’s bigger than you! It’s a movement! And it really helps when keeping you accountable. 

IDEAS FOR EASY WINS

Do something you’ve been putting off.

Making a date with a friend you’ve been telling yourself you need to make time for. Clearing out the garage/kitchen cupboard/wardrobe. Carving out some time to plan and strategise for your business to help you in the coming months. You get the gist. Basically, free up some mental space and feel the warm glow of ‘ahhh, finally.’

Volunteering/ Random acts of kindness.

This doesn’t have to be a massive regular commitment (although for longer lasting satisfaction, it could be!) It might be a one off volunteering of your skills or time to help out a mate. It might be committing to a weekly phone call with an elderly relative. It might be adding a tin of something to the collection for the food bank. 

Being part of a community. 

Whether that’s your local, home town community and getting involved with projects there, or something like SNAP which is more focussed on a specialist interest or industry. Being around people with a similar outlook on life, and feeling like you’re part of something bigger than yourself, is always a good move for getting more out of life. It can really help provide a sense of purpose, having common goals and feeling like you have somewhere you belong.

Intentions and Gratitude.

While you drink your morning coffee/ eat your breakfast/ brush your teeth, set an intention for the day. What do you want? What will be your main focus? Make it even more solid by writing it down in a journal or even keeping a note on your phone specifically for that purpose.

At the other end of the day, list things that you are grateful for, in general or specific to that day. Being thankful is a great way to remind ourselves of what is important to us and what brings us satisfaction.

Lastly I want to offer an invitation to let go.

Sometimes we can find ourselves in situations, be they in work life or relationships with people or communities that we’re a part of that no longer feel healthy or supportive. I know I’ve been in this position several times in my life - in various work/relationship/community guises - and my pattern is that I hold on, hoping that it will change for the better. Feeling that I owe the people around me more of my time and energy for the sake of obligation or feeling trapped by needing the money of a business partnership. 

In these situations, the feelings around not wanting to let people down, guilt, shame over not being able to stay in the situation and feelings of failure have always been the same. However, once I’ve allowed myself to let them go and move on, the relief and the feeling of freedom has been overwhelming, uplifting and I never ever regret it. 

Sometimes you cannot make room for new, satisfying, positive influences, until you let go of old ones that no longer serve you.

What do you think? Have I convinced you? Where do you land when it comes to satisfaction versus happiness?

For more thought experiments and theories on how to make your work and life more holistic, satisfying.. and fuck it, more happy too, join Ami and I over on our podcast, sign up to our email list, or come to one of the many SNAP events throughout the year! 

Want to find out more about Big SNAP 2024? Head to our event page here…